this sux . big time . not only i have dissapointed myself . i have dissapointed her . or at least i think so . life i s gnna be shitty these few months . i dont wnna see the both of them in school . i dont wanna go thinking who i shud choose . i dont wanna break hearts . i dont wanna lose myself over this . i dont want them to go crazy . i dont wish that she finds out who she is . im just sick of thinking and thinking . i wanna go blank and be a normal person who doesnt think ,
i wanna be a normal person who does what the teacher tells u to . i wanna be a normal person with no goals in life and still be happy . i wanna be a normal person who can love normally or at least know what he is loving . i wanna run away . im sick of handling other ppl's problems . and when i need them to solve mine . all they can do is watch . i wanna be normal . i wanna have an average iq so i dont have to see through others disguise . i wanna be conned by man and stay happy . rather thdn being smart and find out the truth and frown . i wanna be happy . i want her . i want to see both of them happy . maybe ill just leave the two bossom frens be . like i always did . well cmon josh . at least they are happy . as if they would be happy with u . and as if they know how to please you . but u love them . so how ? i rather them be happy . truthfully . i wont forget them .
okie . so im a true loner within . becuz? ppl dont know what im thinking . one bloody fact . i solved a puzzle and came up with 2 solutions within 12hrs (including sleep and classes in school) . while the others just ponder and ask themselves how de fuck did josh do that . okie . like what jasmin said . it be good . VERY GOOD . if im able to channel that energy towards my studies . right . SHE"S RIGHT . damn mann . i will . its not as if i wanna show off or anything , its that im prone to instant gratification . i wanna live the moment . intelligience? whats de big damn deal of having it . u hate ppl in de end . u see through their fake faces . and u see the truth . and back to hating them . the worse thing of all . ppl dont understand u . einstein must have been very heartbrokened thdn . or issac newton . or even bill gates . im nt comparing myself to them . but i belive i can become one of them . just like einstein thought . just like lee kuan yew perservered . maybe u think im over ambitious , so? go think all u want . cuz u nv understand . what its like to be me . having to withstand heavy peer pressure and overcome them . having eveyone's eyes on you . watching and critizing ur every move . and all they do is think NORMALLY . i hate u losers .
i think she figured out who she is . or not . i can be wrong again . stupid assumptions made out of feelings rather thdn ur head . whatever . im just gonna go drink and try to get drunk . alone ? i dont know . maybe go vomit at cindy's house again . i was sober . i swear i was . i just coulden walk properly cuz it affected de brain part which controls balance . so now . no one's gnna carry me home . ill ly by de street and maybe die . wait. i dun wanna waste it . ill just cry my heart out for a day go be super sad . let it pass . and hope im over it . i know its de wrong way to do it . but i feel better . or at least i think so . cuz one of mankind's greatest ability . is to deciet oneself . so maybe thats what im going to try out .
- josh ; the broken angel
- song; hello - evanesance
