gosh , im really working like mad now .
i cant belive im doing this .
what's gotten into me ?
whyy am i suddenly so hardworking ?
i hate this . but alrito . its de state of mind i shud be now .
this is not myself .
i miss getting second in class for geo with pure brain power . (no studying at all)
i miss using my brain to work out things that i dont know and find the rationale behind it .
i miss the crazy ass egoistic fun loving guy .
mann mann . whats gotten into me really ?
okie prelims is lil up and down .
i started too late . but theres still time .
i was decided on aiming 23 .
now im counting and estimating . ill reach 27 +/- 2 .
not bad for a days work b4 de exam mann .
i belive this is the biggest effort yet .
wow . im starting to like this new self .
hmm . i wonder if i can get anyway to combine my old and now .
im losing to damien in geo now . todayys paper was above average .
guess what . i studied the whole god damn nite . damien dint at all .
now he's gt all his damn points down . and i dint .
im losing to him ? with actually studying for it ?
and i won him previously . he wins i wins . nv ending battle . but we dint studyy at all .
wth man . see ? my old thinking is right . brains over bronze .
nvm . think its becuz of the stress and 30 plus hours of not sleeping .
entering the battlefield with half strength and consciousness .
i rather go to war with everything ived gt .
thdn study de strategies the entire nite and be physically and mentally weak on that dayy .
wtf , im calling myself weak !
sighh . izzit cuz i want to try a new way of fighting .
it is true . knowledge is power .
alrite . i know im doing this for her .
im srry if i fail . but u must know . i did my best .
or rather am doing .
she's changing me ?
yeahh ?
haa . dont wnna answer that .
im still de same joshy . just more hardworking ! ( i know im blogging now . haa )
so next time . start earlier josh . so u get both the knowledege and the physical and mental strength .
after de prelims . i know i wont score that well . but if i get 27 . i minus 12 points in a few days .
and theres 6 weeks after prelims to 0's . trust me . it will work .
gah like u reading this is gnna belive me acheiving my dreams . "NO WAYY" ud sayy .
i tired . 30 plus hrs no sleep already till this moment .
at least when im on my bed now . taking my last look before opening them again . i did my best .
even if i get what i get . i deserve it . cuz its all my responsibility for my grades .
ima take control over my studies . i feel the urge to work .
like the urge to finish this race .
similar to AKE . rock climbing . mount oph . and dayys i killed myself reaching my goals .
but guess what . i gt there in de end . im getting this feeling .
i may be far behind u right now . but i swear to God ill win my race .
my all . my knees on the ground after the finishing line . passing out .
gnna give my all . 30 plus hrs of endless thoughts ends here in my conscious mind .
